March 18, 2001

What's in a name?

Just the other day I was looking at some local nautical charts and saw an unusual name . . . Liar Rock. I wondered why would someone would name a rock such an odd name. I decided to paddle out and see if I could solve this intriging mystery.

After a four mile paddle I saw Liar Rock on the distant horizon. It didn't look any different than other rocks in Sitka Sound. Just a chunk of granite rising out of the sea. (Actually, I am not sure what type of rock it was so I took it for granite.)

Yet as I paddled up to the rock something strange began to happen . . . the seas began to glow an erie green, the world began to swirl and wind began to whistle the music from the Twilight Zone. (dee do dee do) Then . . .

There I was . . . 100 mile an hour winds, and fifty foot seas breaking all around me! The snow was blinding and the hail was as big as basketballs! A Great White Shark swam up from below and chomped down on the stern of my boat! A giant Octopus crawled up on my bow! A Bull SeaLion leapt into my lap and growled in my face and bit my paddle in half!

Not willing to give up without a fight I smacked the Sealion with half my paddle and threw the other half at the Great White Shark! They both screamed in terror and dove into the sea! I reached up and tied the Octopus' arms into a big granny knot and stuffed him beneath my spray skit to save him for dinner.

I started to paddle away with me bare hands when all at once things got worse . . .

From deep down in the brimy deep The Great White Whale, Moby Dick rose up beside me and with a devious grin flipped his tail and I and me boat went a flying through the air! I landed upside down but quickly handrolled back up only to discover the old Sealion sitting on my deck again! I hit him in the nose with my fist and he dove into the sea! I heard a laught and turned around to see ol 'Moby a charging fast! Once again I started paddling like mad with my hands! Ol' Moby was gaining on me when I looked to the open sea and saw a monster Tsunami headed my way! I turned to surf this deadly wall of water. It must have been 100 feet tall carrying with it two fishing boats, a cruise ship full of screaming tourists, a submarine full of sea sick sailors and even old Noah's Ark itself. I caught the wave and rode it for all she was worth.

Ol' Moby wasn't about to let me go. Years ago he got me grandaddy, Captain Ahab and now he wanted me. Ah, but I have been in worse predicaments, so I surfed straight down the wave and buried the nose of me boat deep. What an ender! Must have flipped 20 times in mid air! Moby leapt to catch me but missed by inches! He let go with a roar and slapped his tail upon the water! He knew he had met his match. Worn out by trying to catch me he sank below the seas waiting for another day.

Meanwhile the wind got worse and the wave grew higher and . . .

When I came to the music had stopped, the sea had stopped glowing and the world had stopped swirling. I had paddled past Liar Rock and I was no longer in it's shadow. So I paddled home still wondering why in the world they would call this place was called Liar Rock.
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Copyright 2001 by Rev Bob Carter.
May not be reproduced or redistributed without author's permission.
Originally posted on Paddlewise mailing list on 3/18/2001.
Republished here with permission.