March 16, 2002

Frustration

The week had been beautiful - much like last week. Temps in the 40's, and every time I passed the lake - dead calm.

It's been over a month since I've been on the water. I was determined to get on it today. I work out my stress while negotiating the water, but my lack of being able to get there was in and of itself adding to my stress level.

I woke up before sunrise and listened for the wind. There was none. I will go. But I fell back asleep and it was almost 8:00 before I was on the road towards the lake. While loading the car I felt a breeze and I knew the wind would be up on the lake. But I was determined to go anyway. My house is in a somewhat protected area, so a slight breeze here is windy on the lake, and when the wind at the house is howling it is a tempest on the lake.

I caught myself speeding towards the lake. But drive as fast as I could I still couldn't outrun the wind.

The whitecaps were everywhere, and to walk down towards the water I had to lean hard into the wind. I wouldn't be able to get the boat off the car and back on by myself. I didn't want to come here. I wanted to retire from the Air Force this June, but I took in consolation the thought that I would get in some kayaking I would otherwise never be able to experience. In the 4 months I've been here, I've gotten on the water twice - only for a short paddle - and I'm wearing thin.

Woody