August 12, 2000

Contrasting perfection and reality

Ft Belvoir

In the early morning quiet, the loudest noise being my tailgate dropping open as I unload my gear, it is hard to imagine anything more perfect. The water is calm - too early for all but the bass boats to be awake. The geese are walking around in the grass looking for something to eat and mama duck herds her young ones along. Not far away early morning fishermen talk about nothing more important than the one that just got away.

I often paddle alone - even when people are around. My silence isn't based on having nothing to say, but on my mind too busy soaking in everything around me. I sit and smile. "Are you laughing at me?" It takes a moment to realize someone is talking to me. "No. I'm just content." From where I sit - this moment - this small piece of earth - is perfect. The water is just right, the wind slight, cooling and not strong. The sun isn't too bright and the temperature - ideal. I'm swimming again in the perfection.

Then a sudden jolt back to reality as someone takes too long to wet exit. The water is shallow and I bail out to run and help. In the two seconds it takes to get there every thing is fine. What's the fuss about? My heart starts to slow back down five minutes later.

It takes longer to work my mind back into the state where the world seems perfect again. A little practice - my first c-to-c roll on my offside. My only one. But I'll chip away at it a little at a time. By next season it will be there. Give a little instruction on draw and sculling draw strokes. Stern rudder between two tennis balls and kayak games that only boys and men can understand. A test of the plan and the counter plan followed by surrender.

A large crowd gathers on shore. People congregate together under a tree and begin to sing in Spanish. A baptism in the river. The Army Captain holds off the landing craft approaching shore until the ceremony is finished and people begin to depart. It's time for me to go as well. Back in the truck and on the road, I brush the perfection away so that the reality comes back into focus.